Jamie Lynn Spears must be saving up for a crib, or her very own trailer, because she felt the need to stiff a waitress while dining out. Page Six reports:

The pregnant “Zoey 101″ star irked waitresses at La Carreta, a Mexican restaurant 40 miles outside her hometown of Kentwood, La., when she failed to leave a tip after she and a friend ate there recently. “Jamie is not well-liked here,” says waitress Brittanie Heaney, who makes just $2.37 an hour.

It looks like Jamie Lynn Spears is going for the redneck trifecta: knocked up at 16, studying for a GED and tips for shit. Someone get Jamie Lynn her picture box so she can watch her stories. She’s done earned it.

Casey Aldridge has broken things off with Jamie Lynn Spears and is demanding a paternity test. Turns out he might not be the father of her baby. Jamie Lynn is rumored to be carrying the child of an older TV producer, according to the latest issue of In Touch Weekly:

“He wants a paternity test,” Britney told the Spears family friend, according to In Touch Weekly. “Casey doesn’t want to be with her until he’s sure that he’s the father.”

Wait a minute. Britney Spears is the source of this gossip. Okay, I find that hard to believe. Britney’s got way more important things going on right now then chatting about Jamie Lynn. I’m talking like really serious dire stuff that requires her undivided attention. As you’re reading this Britney is taxing her full mental capacity to decide exactly how much of her breasts she should expose at the gas station. NASA doesn’t even think that hard about launching rockets.

Amy Winehouse visited her husband Blake-Fielder Civil in prison today. She spent a few minutes getting her new blonde hairdo ready in the car to surprise Blake. She also looks inexplicably cleavagey which is gross considering it’s Amy Winehouse. It’s sort of like seeing a dumpster with boobs on it. But way less hot and you wouldn’t try to make out with Amy Winehouse. No matter how many banana peels are in her purse.

Kim Kardashian went to lunch in Beverly Hills yesterday and got some love from the paparazzi. She didn’t even have to fake an engagement or jewel theft. In the meantime, I wonder how often this exchange happens when the paps are taking Kim’s picture. Probably a lot:

Pap #1: Wow, great day. Didn’t think I’d see any celebs.

Pap #2: Me too. This worked out well. Say, what is this chick famous for again?

Pap #1: Some dude peed on her.

Pap #2: Stops shooting. Opens up his camera. Lets the film spill out.

Pap #1: What’re you doing?

Pap #2: I’m going back to shooting midget porn. At least I’ll feel a sense of pride and dignity so I can look my kid in the eye at the dinner table.

Pap #1: Stares at his camera. My God, man, you’re right. Do you think I can get a job in midget porn, too?

Pap #2: Only if you can dream big enough. Only if you can dream… Also you need your own midget. Union rules. Don’t worry, I know a guy. Now let’s go be heroes - friend.

Based on a true story. The End.

While it’s a documented fact I hate The Hills like a red-headed step-child, there’s no way I could pass on these pictures of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in Mexico. I guess I’m a sucker for two people in the throes of love. I’m a hopeless romantic. You know, the kind that gets drunk and throws dollar bills at his computer monitor until he realizes he’s gone through a grand and Heidi can’t really see him. Sort of like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Titanic, but way more sensitive to chick stuff.

Wesley Snipes faces trial for tax fraud on Monday and the IRS has revealed documents that show the actor failed to pay taxes on $37.9 million in income from 1999 to 2004. On top of that Wesley Snipes also tried to get fraudulent tax refunds for almost $11 million, according to Reuters:

Snipes, 45, was charged in a 2006 indictment along with a known tax protester and a former accountant whom the U.S. Justice Department said had been barred by a federal court from preparing other people’s tax returns.
The tax fraud occurred at a time when Snipes was signing movie deals worth more than $10 million each for “Blade II” and “Blade: Trinity,” according to the prosecution’s summary.

If Blade’s not paying his taxes, than neither am I! It’s a revolution, baby! WOO!!

Legal Notice: Anticlown Media in no way endorses the nonpayment of taxes by its employees or readers. Please be good citizens and file your income taxes with the appropriate agencies. If it makes you feel better, the Superficial Writer’s “revolution” only made it five steps to the employee lounge where he successfully dared our intern to eat a bunch of shrimp leftover from Christmas. On a related note, condolences to the family of Jimmy “Where’s my coffee, bitch?” Gunderson. He’ll be missed.

Kevin Federline is trying to make it as a producer and no longer holds aspirations of being a rap artist. He’s currently “nurturing” new artists from his home studio so he can be closer to his boys, according to E! Online:

“He loves the music business and is committed to making it a career for himself, even if it’s not as a singer. He knows no one will ever take him seriously as a performer, so he’s working behind the scenes as a producer.”

I imagine Kevin is drawing on his experience watching Britney’s career implode to help him become a producer. Now he knows what not to do to succeed starting with Rule #1 in Kevin’s studio: “Don’t be bringing no white-boy dancer husbands in here.” Guy’s a fast learner.

Janice Dickinson claims that she not only saw her ex Sylvester Stallone use steroids, but he used them on her. Janice was on FOX New’s Red Eye when she accused Rambo of using drugs. Page Six reports:

“He juiced me,” Dickinson said. “I’d wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye - steroids, testosterone, all that stuff that people say [mimicking Stallone voice], ‘Hey, it’s not that good ’cause you get really big, you know what I mean?’ ”

However, Janice Dickinson has been known to lie in the past about Rocky:

Dickinson and Stallone were briefly engaged in the early 1990s. The brunette found out she was pregnant and told the actor he was the father, but DNA tests proved that producer Michael Birnbaum was the daddy of her baby girl, Savannah. Stallone immediately dumped her.

I doubt Sly Stallone’s walking around injecting his girlfriends with steroids. “Hey, yo, baby, maybe you’re, uh, breasts shouldn’t be so big and, yo, I dunno, maybe you should grow a moustache, know what I mean?” Although, this does explain why Janice Dickinson looks like, well, Janice Dickinson.

Katharine McPhee of American Idol season five has been dropped by RCA. A rep for the record label confirmed the news today. Coincidentally, season five winner Taylor Hicks was also dropped from his label two days ago, according to Us Magazine:

“I think the industry has seen that unless these artists can churn out strong enough original material, they don’t really have that much traction once we don’t see them on television week after week singing songs we already know and love,” Rollingstone.com editor Caryn Ganz tells Usmagazine.com.

Wow, this news proves a theory I’ve been kicking around for quite some time: I really can care less about American Idol. Seriously, sometimes I wish a plane would crash into the stage while they’re filming the show. Or even better; a private jet carrying Nickelback, Hinder and let’s say Chris Daughtry is the pilot. Also, during the nose dive, part of the fuselage breaks off and lands on John Mayer’s face. Hopefully God reads this post and realizes he forgot to get me a Christmas present.

Britney Spears has a hearing on Monday that will determine the fate of her custody battle with Kevin Federline. Insiders say that if Britney pulls a no-show or is uncooperative with the commissioner, Kevin will have permanent legal custody of the children. TMZ reports:

What’s more, police sources tell TMZ that Commissioner Scott Gordon will hear firsthand eyewitness accounts of last Thursday’s breakdown from LAPD, firefighters and paramedics who were on scene. We’re told they’re not going to paint a pretty picture.
Also, we’ve learned the L.A County Sheriff’s Department isn’t taking any chances — they’re ready for anything. If Brit Brit loses it in court, they’ll be there to “handle” the situation.

So, am I safe in saying Britney is totally getting TASER’d on Monday? In the meantime, I included pics of Britney returning home from Mexico last night. The NY Daily News says she fled the country with Adnan Ghalib because her parents want to put her in a mental institution. But, hey, let’s make sure Britney has one more chance to be around the children. The little scamps love playing hostage!